I LIKE IT, BUT IS IT ART?

The Pen & Pencil Club emerged from a sustained period of introspective scheduling to whomp up on the Art Museum by a 24-10 count on Tuesday night and improve its CCSL record to 5-1.

This one-sided victory was as welcome as it was unexpected, considering that the Art Museum has been a pain in our asses for about three years and that’s from the school of Realism not Impressionism. We played them twice last year, went extra inning both times and split the results, and the games were as contentious as that sounds. (Particularly since we should have won both, but for a willful misunderstanding of the tag-up rules. Yes, Ray. I’m still talking about that.)

Well, it’s a new year and a wonderful new divisional system in our fine league and we only play Art once and – given the circumstance – that’s a darn shame. Manager Bucco told me he lost one player because the guy got married or bought a house or something and then Jeremy is out with Dengue Fever and the next thing you know, you’re down to seeds, stems and Whiskey Frank. On balance, however, tough shit.

We started well (and scored in every inning of the game, as a matter of fact), and held a 9-2 lead entering the bottom of the third when we had one of those Pen & Pencil Innings in which we thought it would be great fun to give the other team somewhere around six outs. Which we did. And the other team thought it would be fun to put up six runs. Which they did, making it a 9-8 game.

Unlike other years and other games, we shrugged and went right back to scoring runs, getting three in the fourth and then an ocho in the fifth to make it more comfortable. Art, meanwhile, exhausted from running around the bases, scored just two more in its final four at-bats and brought just 16 to the plate in that span.

The game ended in total darkness as a twister rolled in from Kansas and I was quite certain that all of us were about to pay some kind of divine retribution for whatever Lynch has been doing lately.

In the scorebook, four hits for George Miller, Chris Yasiejko and Ira Hayes (including a home run over Bucco and a double), three hits for Russ Krause, Steve Lynch, Dan McElhatton and The Management. We used 13 players total and everyone got at least one hit, 32 hits in all.

A very nice win, and now the grand plan of the Catahoula Refugees is revealed. The new divisional alignment appears more lop-sided than ever. Whatever happened to Art in America? I don’t know. Some guy bought a house.

Hoagiefest!(TM) is Tuesday!

Next week we have games Monday (big one vs. Bishop’s Collar) and Tuesday (vs. Franklin Institute, followed by Hoagiefest!™). For the uninitiated, Hoagiefest!™ is an annual league-sponsored party organized by Social Chair Phyllis Demo. We supply beer and the league supplies fabulous hoagies from Sarcone’s and we all meet at one field and it’s a lot of fun until the gunfire breaks out. Don’t tell Ron. He ate all the hoagies last year.

YO HA HA I'M ROUNDING THIRD

With a nice grind-it-out 13-2 win over the Please Touch Museum on Tuesday night, the Pen & Pencil Club is off to its best start in the Center City Softball League in five years.

 We stand 4-1 after five games, tied with ancient rival Bishop’s Collar in whatever the real name of the division might be.

For this great start, we can thank teamwork, we can thank skill, and we can thank the schedule maker, who allowed us to slip into the bathtub slowly – after that first cold plunge against the Tap Room – and now we are acclimated and ready to scrub some grime from our tarnished legacy. (I really hope this writing doesn’t carry over to the day job.)

First things first. Against the Memorial Ballers of the Touch Museum, we fielded the minimum number of men and very nearly the maximum number of the fairer gender. This made the bench smell a lot better, but it also meant we need some real efficiency from the offense and in the field.

After a kind of slow start – sort of like that lawnmower that you have to give a few tugs – we proceeded to mow down the opposition. (I’m not kidding. If I turn this shit in at the paper, they will fire my ass so fast I’ll be out the door before we’re sold again.)

We scored twice in the top of the first, then went to sleep for a while and it was a 2-2 game entering the fourth inning. With us, you never know, so it was a little nerve-wracking to be tied in the middle of the game against a team that has not won a league game since Week 12 of the 2010 season. (I know. It’s very sad that I know that.)

There is a suspended game this season pending in which Touch holds a lead over Franklin Institute, but no official wins in the book and 18 losses since the last victory.

And that last victory, you ask? Of course, it was 20-4 over the Pen & Pencil Club. So, you might want to mess with karma, but I’d prefer to score some runs. (I do not mention the Touchies poor record to embarrass them. Just wanted to make the point. As for why I have this stuff at my fingertips, it’s a real problem, nothing less.)

Anyway, we scored three in the fourth, took another nap, and drifted into the sixth inning holding a 5-2 lead. At that point, we put up some runs and made it look like a different game, scoring four times in each of our last two at-bats.
The truth is that it was a good game and the Please Do Me’s fielded the ball very well and just had trouble stringing together hits. Our scorebook, as fielded by Ed Cascarella, is very interesting. I think we had 22 hits, which is good, and I’m almost positive Russ Krause and Steve Lynch had four of them each, including a homer for Stick. It looks like Mike Galan had three hits, as did Dan Rubin, and two hits for B.J. Clark and Keith Craig. I apologize for any oversights. Kathy Matheson had a solid single into center field, advanced on a pair of hits and scored on a sacrifice fly by George Miller.

The real highlight was our fielding. The outfield was perfect, with a bomb over Yaz’s head the lone exception and that one was a function of the pitcher-catcher interface. Galan/Clark, Craig, Julie Dugan and Rubin were solid around the horn. (I’ve always wondered about that term. Could it come from the sailing term for going around Cape Horn or Cape Cod or whatever it is? If anyone knows, tell me.)

Now things get interesting and the schedule gets tougher, starting with a big game against the Art Museum next Tuesday and then we get Bishop’s Collar the following week, and then the Tap Room again and then the Catahoula Refunds. The Franklin is thrown in there some place as well, but we could easily find ourselves at .500 after 10 games if we don’t A) Show Up (and I mean that literally), and B) Play Well. (It’s always that second part that has hung us up in the past.) We’ll hope for better this time.

COLLAR GAME RESCHEDULED

The P&P game versus Bishop's Collar originally scheduled for Monday, May 14 has been postponed and rescheduled for Monday, June 4 at Edgeley 8.

We were going to have trouble fielding a full team on Monday and we were going to have the usual woes of finding a field if we moved the game to Tuesday, so, with the help of long-awaited league field permit #6, we have been cleared to grab Edgeley 8 on June 4. That will give us two games that week, Monday and Tuesday.

Take advantage of our off week to get your running in. Next game is Tuesday, May 22 vs. Please Touch Museum.

As you were.

RUBINESQUE

Once again, Dan McElhatton has graciously agreed, in his role as Management’s Lackey, to file a report on the result of the Pen & Pencil Club’s 19-3 victory over the Zoo on Tuesday night.
The Management itself would only be able to file a report on the abysmal state of the room service operation at the Chicago O’Hare Marriott and the hotel’s provincial attitude concerning the hours of operation for its lobby lounge.
* * * *

On May 8th, 2012, we witnessed one of the bleaker Philadelphia sport nights in modern times. Fortunately there was a glimmer of hope coming from the field on Belmont Pleateau – the hope demonstrated in a 19-3 win by the P&P that was an overall team effort.
The keys to the win? One might say, Game 5 in Chicago. But I disagree with Nevins, Gabor and Donlen. More likely the key was a seven-run first inning that was that was capped by a Dan Rubin grand slam.
Other keys? Yaz was possessed by Cliff Lee, pitching a 70-minute gem, and largely mistake-free ball by his mates, and a real effort by all to hit ground balls and keep people on the bases.
The Zoo team is a decent bunch and a team we should beat if we play well, but the way we played should give us confidence as we go up against the likes of the Tap and whatever Ryan’s ex-Franklin team is called.
So, it is also obvious Rubin should give up the column and just stay “on assignment.” In addition to smacking the ball, he was stellar at first base, particularly picking a short hop rocket from NGKC (New Guy Keith Craig) at short and going low to take another one off his shoetop.
The Ballen/Gabor platoon excelled – Ballen with a nifty line drive catch and Gabor assisted by bringing a creature that distracted the Zoo into thinking one of them forgot to lock up the buffaloes.

NGKC is way too nice (not to mention, good) to be on this team. McElhatton/Galan platoon rocked it. Well sort of. Galan might just consider playing third, not coaching it. The outfield caught the ball.
Ed Cascarella had a nice pinch hit single and scored a run.
And then there is Ellen Kenney – a nice shot to short, busted it to first and decide to stretch it into a double. (Got that out of the system have we, Ellen?)
A solid win. Manager Nevins inspired.
Next week either Monday or Tuesday likely at one of the Edgeley fields against a team I am too tired to look up. Hopefully we get to face Kyle Kendrick.
Management’s Lackey
* * * *
Well done, ML. I am told there were four home runs in all. Was also told that Nevins and Lynch had two of them, along with Rubin’s salami. No one seems to remember who hit the other. Miller? Craig? No idea.
I apologize. If I ever see the scorebook again, I’ll let you know.
[Editor's Note: Late word insists the missing tater was fried by Chris Yasiejko. Way to go, Yaz.]
We play Monday in one of our two GOTY (Games of the Year) against Bishop's Collar or, more simply, the Fabulous Phyllises.
If you have paid attention to the new CCSL divisional alignment and playoff rules – and there will be a pop quiz soon – then you know that the top three teams in each division make the playoffs, with the 2nd and 3rd seeds in our division having a one-game playoff to see which one has to pitch to Tap Room Ogre in the Division Finals.

P&P vs. Collar: Let's not fall behind.



If you have also studied the league, and not to make anyone feel bad, it seems unlikely we will compete with the Tap Room for the top seed and equally unlikely we will finish behind either Fleisher or Old City.

That means we will play the Collar in that one-game playoff. And that means we are playing the entire season just to see which of us is visitor and which of us is home in that game.

So, there you have it. That’s why Monday at Edgeley 4 is one of our two GOTY.

Let’s go out and win the right to bat last on July 23.

LADIES' DAY

And, really, isn’t every day?
Our Double-X Chromosome representatives on Thursday night, Ellen Kenney and Liz Gabor, combined for three hits in our 23-11 makeup win over the National Constitution Center/Old City Rising Suns, the team with the longest name and the shortest history in the Center City Softball League.
In addition to their work at the dish, both were vital in holding together what was, to be charitable, a bit of a spotty defensive effort. Kenney made the all-important 2-unassisted putout for staying with a fouled-off pop in the cage with two on and just one out in the third inning.
As for Gabor, she gloved almost everything near second base, with the exception of the one she dropped when Marcus wasn’t looking and then he didn’t know how many outs there were and called time loudly to tell the person on second base he was out – untrue – and later declared there were three outs and proceeded to leave the field when, in fact, there were two. So, for that alone, quite a night for Lizzy. (She did also win the Jiffy Lube High Maintenance Award for texting at 6 p.m. that she was walking near the Art Museum and needed a ride to the field.)

In any event, the P&P, with help from the ladies, did climb above .500 on the season, although not without our requisite drama. Some of us could do without the drama, but nevertheless.
The NCC team had scored a total of seven runs in its opening two losses over a period of 14 at-bats. Somehow, we managed to trail them 8-2 entering the bottom of the third inning. I say “somehow,” but the book is pretty clear. We fielded poorly and threw the ball around, and decided that hitting pop-ups would be our oeuvre for the evening.
Having held them to 8-2 in that third inning – with major help from the Kenney 2-unassisted – we got it going a little, scoring 7, 6, 6 in the next three innings. It was a nice run for us and we brought 35 to the plate in those three innings, batting around twice.
For the game, we have four hits from Mark Nevins, Russ Krause and Marcus Hayes, three hits from Kerry O’Connor, Chris Yasiejko, Steve Lynch (3-run HR) and B.J. Clark, and two hits for Dan McElhatton, Chris Brennan and Gabor.
We were 31-for-51 and held the Constitution Center to an equal number of hits and outs (21), which is fine.

They are a very formidable expansion team. Their 2-3-4 hitters were 11-for-12, and the out was a line drive to short. So, a couple more players and it’s a different team. We take it and move to the next challenge, which is the Zoo team that is always a competitive game for us. Onward.

EXTRA SPECIAL

(Editor’s Note: The first part of this account is from Dan McElhatton, who was either worried that The Management would not properly recount the game, or was simply tired of his prose, which is understandable.)

 *****

 There is a beauty in this game we play. Largely the beauty is found in the beers chilled in coolers. But occasionally the beauty is seen in our willpower, our teamwork and, often times, helpfully grotesque fielding errs by the opposition.

On a cool Monday night, the last day of April, we saw all three. It ended with a walk off win over Fleisher Art Memorial (FAM). The Pen and Pencil is now 1 and 1.

It should have ended in the bottom of the 7th. Tied at 7s in the 7th – Yaz gets on, is followed by a bloop single, runners on 1st and 3rd, two outs, New Guy Keith Craig (NGKC or new guy with two first names) is at bat.

Management is confident. “This game is over,” and Management’s lackey confirms, “Yeah, he gets a hit”. NGKC smashes the ball into left field directly into the glove of one of the 13 players on FAM that sport unkempt facial hair. We are going extra.

Top 8, a FAM with facial hair who has no business doing so somehow triples, he scores a batter later – no more damage. 8 to 7 –bottom 8. Beauty happens.

Mark Nevins, a 4-RBI game and heretofore known as, You won’t like me when I am mad,” (YWLMWIAM), exhibits Gandhi-like patience and then proceeds to declare war on the ball and launches a rocket down the right field line – tie game off the bat.

Now the willpower. One out – Management is at bat, takes 800 pitches, is heckled by the bearded ones, finally swings and hits it to short, he busts up the line, the shortstop hurries the throw, Management takes 2nd on the overthrow.

Dan Rubin steps in, slightly exhausted from being “on assignment” (which apparently is much less glamorous than it sounds). Nevertheless, Rubin makes contact, a comebacker to the pitcher. Management dances off second, the pitcher looks at second but throws to first, and Management bolts to third. One of the bearded ones screams, “That’s three”. It was not.

The first baseman fails to eat the ball and throws to third. It is low. It is in the ground. Management darts for home…

Now they say championship seasons require a Miller – if we are to have one ours might worry less about trying to kill opposing pitchers and focus more on fair line drives to left.

The platoon at first of Brennan and Rubin worked well. DiNardo, who stated postgame he can’t see very well, nonetheless made an incredible Willie Mays catch. NGKC knows he needs to keep the ball down. Management’s lackey channeled an epilepsy patient on a high pop up – the spell ended in time – the ball was caught.

Julie Dugan – got no respect at the plate and got key catches in right. Yaz unfortunately said out loud he thought the FAM should be called “Charcoals and Paint.” Ellen Kenney as always, calming behind the plate.

…As Management sprinted for home the throw from third was high, the slide under the tag and the win secured The beauty in those coolers consumed. Thursday E-4 vs Old City Rising which is kind of a gross name.

++++++++++++++++++++

 All right. Thank you, Dan. That’s one way to look at it, although the Management’s days of dancing and darting are not all in front of him (it).

The truth is that running around the bases like that, trying to score from second on a comebacker to the mound, is kind of a dick move. We all played Little League with that kind of guy, usually the coach’s son. He would just keep running, and get caught in rundowns, and do dumb stuff and get away with it because he could. It’s not the way to play the game.

The first rule of base-running is that you do not get thrown out at third base for the final out of the inning. You particularly don’t do this if you happen to represent the winning run in extra innings.

The Management has no explanation why, already in scoring position, he didn’t stay there and let Mike Galan get the game-winning base hit, which would have certainly happened. The most likely upside of taking off for third in that situation would be to create a situation – if safe – where the winning run would score on an infield hit with two outs. Mike, I love you. But infield hits are not your specialty. So, the Management risked getting thrown out at third for little gain.

The only possible gain – and there was no way this was going to happen – would be if the first baseman threw the ball (which he should not do) and threw it where the third baseman could not catch it (no way, right?).

Incredibly enough, both of those things happened, and the Management was able to take off and get home and then we got to drink more beer. There is no real explanation, and if someone else on the team tried this, it would not be favorably reviewed. In any case, the P&P beat Fleisher 9-8 in eight innings, and it was an ugly win, but would have been an uglier loss.

As Dan mentioned, George Miller did what every great hitter wants to do – knock the pitcher out of the game. He did it, however, by nailing Tina in the right tit with a line drive that would kill a water buffalo. “That’s OK. Maybe it’ll get big now,” Tina said, as she limped to the bench.

We didn’t score that inning – karma? – and trailed the game 4-0 entering the bottom of the third. We scored six runs and then fooled around for the rest of the game while Fleisher did enough to force the extra innings. Then, stuff happened and, again, there is no real explanation.

The difference in the game was Nevins, who had two home runs, a three-run shot in that third inning, and the tying solo shot in the bottom of the eighth. The rest of us dribbed and drabbed and we didn’t catch the ball very well and didn’t string together many hits at the plate. Were it not for Tom DiNardo’s over-the-shoulder catch to start the top of the sixth, Fleisher would have gotten another run and then we would have lost in regulation. At least in in the theoretical world of the scorebook.

On the night, Nevins and Keith Craig had three hits. Author McElhatton, George Miller, the Management, Galan and Chris Yasiejko had two hits. We were 19-for-41 at the plate, compared to 17-for-40 for FAM, which is way too close.

But a win is a win and somehow it worked out this time, even if it was a dick move.

Onward.