What's Cooking? The All-Star Game!

The annual Center City Softball League All-Star Game and Cookout and Ritual Bad Dating Decision Jubilee will commence on Tuesday, Aug. 7 at approximately 6 p.m. on the historic grounds of Edgeley 8.
You can bring some beer if you like or snacks, but General Manager Chris Brennan has instructed that the team cooler be filled with the priciest brews I can find, so we'll have that going for us. The league provides the grill stuff like burgers and hot dogs. Brennan is considering chateaubriand for us, but, well, we do that all the time.
There will also be a softball game during which no one will keep score and the rules for entry and exit are somewhat looser than during the season. It will be the Dairy Division teams versus the Edgeley Division teams, so we at the Pen & Pencil Club are teaming with South Philly Tap Room, Bishop's Collar, Fleisher Art Memorial and Old City, against the team culled from Catahoula Refugees, Art Museum, the Zoo, Franklin Institute and Please Touch Museum.

Our official representatives are Brian Donlen, Mark Nevins, Steve Lynch and Sheila Ballen. The Management will captain the Edgeley team, even though the honor usually falls to the Division champion. The Collar asked me to take the job, because it is such an honor and because it is such a pain in the ass to try to get 20 people into a softball game. But it's another chance to hang the clipboard on the S-hook and you know how much pleasure that gives me.

As is the custom, don't feel left out. If you show up -- even if you show up wearing only flip-flops as McElhatton no doubt will -- and feel like playing, you'll get in there. The only thing better than working 20 players into a game is working 30 players in. Fortunately, we usually only recognize the boundary of total darkness, not the boundary of seven innings.
Still working on my deep thoughts for the season wrap-up. Catahoula swept the Collar to win the championship. That team -- the old Franklin roster -- has now won six of the last seven CCSL titles. Kinda greedy, if you ask me.

The Pen & Pencil turnout at the 2011 All-Star Game, except for Danny who refused to get into the
picture. Let's have an even better showing this time. (Yeah, that's Hickey back there.) 

Sunset

Sorry for the delay in getting our playoff post on the board, but I have been busy learning about standby generators, water pumps and digital thermostats. I have learned much, especially that I missed the day in journalism school when they taught thermostat installation. With any luck, everything will be back to normal when Bonnie gets back, but mum’s the word until then, OK?

I intend to do the annual season wrap-up and team awards post sometime this week, but won’t attempt that in this wrap-up. For one thing, I want to see who wins the championship and want to offer some constructive suggestions for the entire CCSL going forward. I’m sure everyone will appreciate that.

Anyway, back to our final game of the year. The Pen & Pencil Club softball team made the Center City Softball League playoffs for the first time in three years. We’ll get into the new and improved and somewhat more lax standards of our postseason at another time, but, hey, it beat a sharp stick in the eye.

Truth be told, under the old standards – top four teams advance – we would have made the playoffs this season as well, but it was kind of a weird year, so it felt kind of… well, weird.

Starting with the end, we lost to our long-time friends/foes at Bishop’s Collar by a score of 14-6. It was a 3-3 game after three innings, and just 5-3 entering the bottom of the fifth. It was a game. We scrapped and played as well as possible despite a thin squad for the evening and it was a remarkable effort against a solid, well-stocked team that advanced to the league championship round.

As has been our issue a few times, we didn’t hit well enough. Six runs doesn’t win very often. We had just 12 hits and we couldn’t sustain any innings. Oh, fucking well.

We didn't get to this base often enough, or the next one.

For the evening, Steve Lynch had three hits, and two hits each for Russ Krause, Brian Donlen and Keith Craig. That’s nine of our 12 hits, so the other seven spots in the order were struggling, including the Management. Collar put together one big inning and that was the ballgame. They had nine players with at least two hits. We had four. The top five hitters in our batting order were 10-for-14. The next six were 2-for-17. Hope Nevins had a good time at his spa retreat or wherever he was.

Regardless, it was a great season and we should be proud of it. We were 8-5 in the regular season, had some terrific wins and drank an awful lot of beer (and some champagne!). There might have been some records set in that regard.

Stay tuned for the wrapup post. Remember that the All-Star Game is Tuesday, Aug. 6. Our official representatives will be announced later this week, but the tradition is that all the starters are drunk by the third inning, so anyone who shows up with a glove gets to play. There will be burgers on the grill, and I will bring the team cooler just because Brennan wants to spend some more money.

And the pregame speech sucked, too.

Got 'Em Right Where We Want 'Em

 Oh, yes. Our plan to get Bishop’s Collar over-confident leading up to next Monday’s opening-round playoff game worked perfectly on the verdant asphalt of Edgeley 8 on Tuesday. I don’t think they even suspect a thing.

Some might view our pre-game as lax, but just part of the grand design.



Having correctly determined that we want to be the visiting team in that all-important postseason tilt – I mean, look at how it worked for them! – we had ourselves a nice little scrimmage, took a narrow 24-4 loss, and now we are nestled comfortably in the bat-first role for Monday. Couldn’t have gone much better, really.

Some might say we went a little too far by not scoring a single run in the final six innings of the game, but that would be nitpicking from this point of view. We made our statement in the first inning that we could so score if we wanted to, and there was no need to pour it on after that.

"Nothing against Bob, but this crap just didn't happen when I was
managing the team. Makes you think, doesn't it."

Unless, of course, the truth is that we stunk it up and if we don’t play a lot better next week, our postseason appearance will be brief and painful. You decide which.

Anyway, let’s have some details. The Management failed to distinguish between the end of batting practice and the start of the game in the first inning and served up 10 runs on 11 hits before the Collar got tired of circling the bases.

The Prelate’s Neckbands hit well all night, particularly Mike Abt, who I think was 6-for-6, scored five runs, had two home runs and knocked in seven or eight. We’ll have to make sure he gets the same pitches next week, because you’d hate to mess with a guy on a roll.

It is never a good sign when one’s opponents have more hits than you have at-bats, but that was the case for the Red Inks in this one. BC was 37-for-58 and we were 15-for-36. Not good. All four of our runs and four of those hits were bunched in the first inning, so we had zero runs and 11 hits in the last six innings.

Those with long memories – or those who stuff socks in their memories to make it look that way – will recall that we led Fleisher Art Macrame 14-3 after four innings the week before, and sneaked away with a 15-14 win. That means in our last 10 innings, we have been outscored 35-to-5 and outhit 49-to-19. Well, that sucks, and it would be a wake-up call for us except we seem to keep mixing up the AM and PM part, which is really what always gets you.

Scariest book since Cujo.

Oh, one more stat to get you to bear down for next week: The Collar never scores this many runs. I mean, shit. In the Collar’s six previous games against CCSL playoff teams this season, they averaged 9 runs, with a previous high of 12 against the Fart Museum. They doubled that against us. The last time BC scored 20 or more runs against a playoff team was Week 10 of the 2009 season, 25-13 over the Farties, and you could look it up if any of you were demented enough to keep track of this stuff like I am. That’s three fucking years ago.

OK, calm again. Serenity now. Serenity now. Let’s see. Highlights? Lynch had three hits and, which is good for a guy with a busted kneecap. Brennan thinks he had three hits, too, although one was a fielder’s choice, but since it was a clean single into the outfield, he’s getting credit for it. George Miller had two hits and a swinging bunt that went approximately three inches in front of the plate. Nevins had two hits, as did Kerry O’Connor. Brian Donlen had one hit and was robbed of a home run on a great running catch by Adam on the last play of the game. And, man, we were coming back then.

Anyway, that one’s over and the next one is the one that counts. With all those hits and runs we’ve been hoarding, I don’t see what can go wrong.

What's that called when someone stands on one of those pillows? Ah, yes, a baserunner. Cool.

Kind of a Laugher

Sure, yuk it up. Check the email.

Yeah, after Yaz set down Fleisher Art Memorial for another scoreless inning and the Pen & Pencil cruised into the top of the fifth holding a 14-3 lead, there was pretty much nothing that could go wrong, was there?



Krause: He wants to swing this way.



Well, except everything, of course, and what could have been, perhaps should have been, an easier win turned into a nail-biter against the up-and-coming Sammys. It ended up as a 15-14 win for P&P and even that barely describes the onion skin that separated the two teams. (I love that line, even if they do keep taking it out of my Inquirer copy.)

Those of you with sharp memories will recall we beat Fleisher by a single run in extra innings earlier this season. So, a hit here and a catch there, and Fleisher gets by us twice and is 6-6 on the season…and so are we…and fighting to make the playoffs.

George indicates where he hit Tina the last time we saw her pitch.

As it is, we got the job done twice and that’s the difference between the P&P team this season and in other seasons. Now, we’ve got one more regular season game left, Tuesday against Bishop’s Collar, and it’s a playoff preview. If we win the game, we are home team in the first round of the postseason against the Collar. If not, we are visitors. It would be nice to show the Prelate’s Neckband that we mean business. So get your running in for the regular-season finale.

Now, back to the postgame show. We won the first four innings, 14-3, and lost the last three innings, 11-1. I’m not entirely sure how that happened, but it took some doing. In those opening innings, we had 16 hits and brought 33 batters to the plate. In the skid toward the end, we had four hits and batted 13.



Head down, full extension, weight shifting back to front.
 Three-run home run. Simple game.



One explanation is that we let down a little or something, but that would be disrespecting the Sammys, who kept playing and gutted their way back into the game. They stopped throwing the ball around, which hurt them early, and they started finding gaps with their hits. We made a couple of gaffes and hit our way out of innings and, well, it happened.

First the good. We batted around, plus three, in hanging a 10-spot on the board in the third inning. The frame was highlighted by an RBI double from Mark Nevins, a two-run triple by Jon Snyder, and a monstrous three-run home run into the bench area of Edgeley 3 by Brian Donlen. A player in the other field helpfully picked up the ball and flipped it to the Fleisher leftfielder who relayed it home, where it struck Donlen squarely in the back as he crossed the plate. Nice.



Key Moment. Ed has just told Krause, "Listen, kid. I know it's 14-8,
but we might need this run. If Nevins lines out to second base
here and they try to double Miller off first, you take off. You never
know, it might turn out to be the winning run." And here's the pitch.



Donlen had three hits and was one triple away from the cycle when the Management wisely pulled him from the game. Save it for the playoffs, big guy. George Miller also had three hits, none of which gave Tina another titectomy. Three hits for Chris Brennan, and two hits each for Russ Krause, Dan McElhatton, Keith Craig, Chris Yasiejko, and Dan Rubin. Ellen Kenney knocked home a run in that big third inning.

Ok, Krause’s day. He threw a guy out at third in the first inning by about 20 feet and Fleisher never tried to take another extra base. That helped. Krause also scored the winning run from third base – our only run in the final three innings -- on a line drive to second, which didn’t hurt, either.

The play of the game came in the bottom of the seventh with the tie run on second base and the winning run on first. Fleisher Drew, who was 3-for-4 at that point, drilled a shot down the left field line that appeared certain to land fairly and end the game, and not in a good way.

Krause ran down the ball and gloved it to his backhand side on the full run, causing Ron to scream in the Management’s ear as if we had just gotten a bagful of free hoagies. Ron, of course, had no idea how loud he screamed, so we will forgive that little outburst.

There you have it. Just another routine win on our road to glory. Let’s get after the Collar now and beat them twice. Just like the hoagies, we’re on a roll.

Win Some, Lose Some

Perspective is a bitch. Particularly in softball. You know why? Of course, you do. Because whenever you’re talking about perspective, that means you fucking lost.

Nobody ever searches for perspective after a win. You don’t need perspective when you win. The other guy does. And we don’t really care about his perspective and his excuses and his if-only this and if-only that. You lost, dude.

Jon Snyder, 4-for-4 in a rare night off from Saxotech, wondering
if it wasn't more fun in the office.

Which brings us to Monday night at Edgeley 8 versus the Tap Room. We lost, dude.

We lost 25-10 and if you want to say the game was a lot closer than the score, have yourself a big scoop of perspective with sprinkles on top. For the most part, you are right. That doesn’t change the final score, however, which is imprinted on our foreheads like the triple 6’s of Damian until we perish from this earth. (Perhaps I’m losing sight of that perspective thing.)

Let’s back up. This was a fun game. Or was supposed to be. Tap is going to get the top seed in the division. Bishop’s Collar and Pen & Pencil will have a one-game playoff to see which team plays Tap for the division championship. That was decided at the Cherry Street Tavern in February when the divisions were set up and Brennan was looking at Phyllis and forgetting the instructions he was given. That is understandable, depending on one’s perspective.

Anyway, so a fun game, which is how both sides should approach it, even if one side is undefeated and apparently so taken with that honor in the Center City Softball League that it supercedes all else. So, we’ll get to the point. When one of your runners goes out of the baseline to avoid a tag, even if the base coach is sort of undecided, or distracted because the runner in question is the size of a rampaging rhino, the right thing to do is to call the runner out.

That’s not even a tough call, but too tough for the Tap Room team apparently, which is really a bunch of nice guys after the game. During the game, they freeze in the sportsmanship moments. It doesn’t make them bad guys, but it sure makes them seem like bad guys. If it didn’t happen every time, it might be coincidence.

Hayes: Three-run HR
highlighted offense.

Anyway – yes, I’m using anyway again – the runner was Elmer Ogre and he invoked the “3-foot rule,” indicating that he could go three feet of his width outside the baseline to avoid a tag. Now, three feet of Elmer’s width would extend to Manayunk, but we choose not to mention that. And the fact is that the rulebook says a runner has three feet from the basepath, not from the extreme left or right edge of the runner himself. Elmer was out, at least by the spirit of the rule as he avoided Brian Donlen’s tag at first, but he was not out according to the Tap Room and the inning was extended for four runs.

OK, time for perspective. If Ogre had been called out, the Tap would have still scored four runs in that inning, and, combined with the eight runs it scored in the seventh, would have won 21-10. Gee, I feel a lot better.

The fact is that the better team won the game and that the Pen & Pencil, after holding a 10-4 lead after four innings, stopped scoring runs entirely. Never a good idea. Perhaps the worst idea of the night came from the Management, who decided that Yaz, having given up five runs in the fifth should be pulled for relief. Yaz gave up nine runs total in five innings, while the Management gave up double ochos in his two innings. Yikes.

What beat us, aside from the stray dropped fly or errant throw to first, was a lack of timely hitting. We left 12 runners on base, including eight in scoring position. In the fifth inning, down by just a run, we loaded the bases with nobody out and didn’t score a run. That was a killer for us.



Mike Galan: Tough luck on two hard line drives
to the right side of the infield.



OK, we did have some highlights. Jon Snyder sneaked out of work and was 4-for-4. Brian Donlen, Dan McElhatton, Chris Yasiejko and Kerry O’Connor had three hits each. Two hits for George Miller and Mark Nevins. Marcus Hayes had a three-run home run.

Good stuff, but not enough to win this evening. Maybe next time. And with one win in the playoffs we get another shot at the Tap Room. After that game, let’s leave them searching for perspective. You know what perspective means, right? You lost, dude.

Special thanks to Sheila Ballen and Kathy Matheson for making sure we were street legal, as Ron used to say. Kathy had a big hit in our five-run second inning and Sheila hit three line drives through the middle only to have each speared by pitcher Mark Bruno.

Extra special thanks to Chip Proctor and Dawn Proctor, who came out as spectators. Chip, Bruno, Al Heinle, Mark Nevins and the Management play on Sundays in another league. Chip and Dawn think our league is cool, Monday’s result notwithstanding.

And special, special thanks to Keith Craig and his kids, Keegan(sp?) and Elle, for the Pen & Pencil face-painting support, and particularly to Elle who, after the game, when told that we’d win for her the next time, responded, “We lost?”

That, folks, is perspective.



George Miller didn't take any pictures worth a damn, fouled off many pitches.



Pen & Pencil Club Clinches Playoff Berth!!!

Yes, it’s been a long wait, but the Pen & Pencil Club softball team is back in the Center City Softball League playoffs, which only took a 30-14 win over Old City/NCC on Tuesday evening and a semi-strange reshuffling of the entire CCSL universe this season.

Not that we’re complaining, and not that we don’t intend, once invited, to make ourselves lengthy guests in the postseason. We’re in and we’re going to stick around.

Well, 30 runs. The Management is in its sixth season and this represents a record during its (his) tenure for offensive production. Those who have followed us closely are not surprised by that, but we also put up that number in five innings, going scoreless in the sixth and seventh innings, which is kind of remarkable.

Let’s reflect a moment on making the playoffs, which touched off a wild celebration and led to the popping of champagne corks – oh, all right, cork, singular, and it was fucking sparkling wine and not real champagne, but fucking sparkling something or other.

We have clinched at least third place in our division, whatever its name is, and are probably headed toward a first-round showdown with our old friends/foes from the Bishop’s Collar. That will be a great one, but that is down the July road and not to be played just yet.

The new divisional split of the CCSL worked against us this season – no surprise – but we should all feel good that we overcame the forces of evil and made the postseason despite having the cards stacked against us. Now we make them sorry for letting us hang around.

As for the clinching game, Old City was coming off a narrow (sorta) loss to the Collar the night before and was looking to set some records of its own. Well, we helped the expansion franchise set a new record for runs (14) and runs in a single inning (8), and on another night things might have gone differently.

We led 13-0 going into the bottom of the third before surrendering the above-cited 8-spot, which was a combination of good Old City hitting and some dodgy P&P fielding. That briefly made it a game, but only until we scored 12 in the top of the fourth and added five more in the fifth to lead 30-8.

At that juncture, the game had lasted at least two presidential administrations and we moved quickly toward a conclusion, lest sundown and gunfire from Diamond Street precede the final out.

Highlights? Well, we got four hits from Kerry O’Connor and Mike Galan, and four more from Steve Lynch, including two home runs. Three hits for Russ Krause, George Miller, Dan McElhatton and Brian Donlen, including a pair of bomb triples. Among the ladies, Sheila Ballen and Kathy Matheson had two hits each, as did Liz Gabor. At least, I think so. The book is not usually this crowded with hits.  And we hit it a lot, scoring 19 runs combined in the third and fourth innings. Let’s keep doing that in games to come.

So, we’re in, and we are in with three regular season games left to play. Let’s have some fun with those and get ready for the big games to come. This wasn’t our last taste of champagne. Hopefully, Leroy won't slobber on the next bottle.

A Black Eye For The Whole Team

Well, not really. Our 11-3 loss to the Catahoula Orcs wasn’t that bad, but it did provide an excuse for the headline and for the photo of our own Lizzy Gabor, who underwent an Uglyectomy less than an hour after the game. She was playing soccer at the time, which is totally unrelated to our Center City Softball League, but, hey, it was the best art I had.

(Liz promises, by the way, that she will not miss any of our games because of the facial repositioning. Or, at least, she won’t be any later than usual or forget any additional equipment.)

On to the game!

Catahoula, for those unveterans among you, used to be the playing portion of the Franklin Institute roster. In the most recent offseason, the non-playing portion of the Franklin roster demanded that, in the future, they, well, you know, play occasionally. Since the non-playing portion was also the only portion that had any connection to the Franklin Institute, they won – and haven’t won since.

That’s the way the Catalites tell it, anyway. The truth is that Franklin, after five straight championships, lost in the World Series to the Tap Room last year. And because of that, the whole world had to blow up! And so it did, which led to an unsafe cooling of the earth’s core and the fucking divisional setup in the CCSL, which blows. Somehow, we added two more teams and play fewer games. Go figure that one.

Anyway, the Catahummus still can’t beat the Tap Room, which would be a lot funnier if Little Al & The Imperials were the least bit likeable. Such is not the case. Also anyway, we still can’t beat the Real Franklin/Catamongas, or at least we couldn’t on Monday at lovely Edgeley 8.

It was an interesting enough game. They scored three in the top of the first and then hung around to see if they needed to score more. It was still a 4-1 game in the top of the fifth when the Orcs added three more and, after we scored two in the sixth, four more for good measure in the top of the seventh. The top three batters in their lineup – Matty, Nick and Ryan – scored eight of their 11 runs, which is pretty predictable. It was a surgical win, for the most part.

True highlight was Russ Krause nailing a runner at the plate with a great throw, and also a great tag by Chris Yasiejko. In the field, we did fine, and a hardy welcome back to Brian Donlen, who was also welcomed back by Edgeley 8, which tried repeatedly to put a ball in his throat.

Offensively, we just didn’t hit at all. Score three and you lose, no matter who you play. Nevins had three of our 10 hits. No one else had more than one. We brought just 32 batters to the plate in a seven-inning slow-pitch softball game, which is hard to do.

It could have been a little better. We left the bases loaded in the third, but put just six runners in scoring position all day and got three of them home. Oh, well. Wasn’t our night. Wasn’t Lizzy’s, either, apparently.

TAPPED OUT

Postponed on Tuesday night vs. South Philly Tap Room because of a high moisture content. Rescheduling will be passed along when we have it. Missing out now is too bad because we are playing very well and ready to knock them off. Our chance will come again, perhaps a couple of times this season and we can't wait. As you were.

I Am The God Of Hellfire And I Bring You....YAZ!

Well, where to start? Inverted pyramid doesn’t really work here. Inverted pyromaniacs, perhaps.
I have it on good authority that Hoagiefest did not end Tuesday/Wednesday until approximately 6 a.m. for the last stragglers. Reports are mixed on whether any of the Red Inks were still in the mix, but I fear Captain Yaz might have still been leaping the flames. We’ll find out on Tuesday if he got singed, or, like Icarus, melted his wings when he flew too close to the fire pit and deep well of gin, vodka and Nubian sweat on Dairy 2. Ah, to be young again.
Anyway, the annual festival of prepared meats and artisan Italian breads was an unquestioned success, which is slightly more than you can say about the softball results for the Pen & Pencil Club. We split our games this week, losing in extra innings to Bishop’s Collar and then winning, somewhat closer than necessary, to the Franklin Orphans.

Let’s start with the most recent stuff, which is so much easier for me to remember. We beat the Orphans 12-7, and if we had been missing one more player perhaps, or if Liz’s dog had taken a bit longer to weedle, then we might have actually been in trouble.
As it was, we cut it close enough, tied 3-3 in the bottom of the fourth. The Franklins gave up 25 runs to Art and 24 to the Fleisher and, well, it’s been a tough go for them after being set adrift by the Catahoula Runaways.
This was a team hungry for a win and we were a team that can drop a turd in the punchbowl now and then. As it turned out, we scored eight in the bottom of the fourth and that was enough to put the game away.
That’s a good thing, because we didn’t score again. On the evening, we had 20 hits and Franklin had 20 hits. Our good fortune was to bunch them together and the Franklin was unable to do so.

We got three hits from Marcus Hayes and Dan McElhatton, and two hits from Liz “On my way” Gabor, Keith Craig, Steve Lynch, both home runs and a total of four RBIs, Chris Brennan and Mike Galan.
Highlights were the triumphant return of Jon Snyder, the fence climbing of Lynch, the run scored by Ellen Kenney and damn near everything that necessitated putting Craig in the outfield. Good win and then Hoagiefest, which made it even better.
Working backward, we lost on Monday and that sucked. It was a big game for us, against the Collar, and we were in nice position to come away with a win. Alas.
We led 6-1 heading into the bottom of the fifth and lost the game, giving up two in the fifth, two in the seventh to tie the game and, alas again, a run in the eighth to lose it.
What you notice is that we didn’t score during that span, which didn’t help. What might have also hurt along the way is that we left runners in scoring position in three innings. We’ll see the Collar again, probably twice, so we’ll have a shot to get even.
In that game, we got two hits from Russ Krause, Mark Nevins and Lynch, and had just 14 hits overall in eight innings. That ain’t enough, and after taking a 4-0 lead after the first inning, we went to sleep and had just 14 batters in the next four innings. Had a chance to take charge and didn’t. Oh fucking well.
This coming week, we play the Tap Room and that will be interesting as always, but last week came with fire and it came with provolone. That’s always better.

I LIKE IT, BUT IS IT ART?

The Pen & Pencil Club emerged from a sustained period of introspective scheduling to whomp up on the Art Museum by a 24-10 count on Tuesday night and improve its CCSL record to 5-1.

This one-sided victory was as welcome as it was unexpected, considering that the Art Museum has been a pain in our asses for about three years and that’s from the school of Realism not Impressionism. We played them twice last year, went extra inning both times and split the results, and the games were as contentious as that sounds. (Particularly since we should have won both, but for a willful misunderstanding of the tag-up rules. Yes, Ray. I’m still talking about that.)

Well, it’s a new year and a wonderful new divisional system in our fine league and we only play Art once and – given the circumstance – that’s a darn shame. Manager Bucco told me he lost one player because the guy got married or bought a house or something and then Jeremy is out with Dengue Fever and the next thing you know, you’re down to seeds, stems and Whiskey Frank. On balance, however, tough shit.

We started well (and scored in every inning of the game, as a matter of fact), and held a 9-2 lead entering the bottom of the third when we had one of those Pen & Pencil Innings in which we thought it would be great fun to give the other team somewhere around six outs. Which we did. And the other team thought it would be fun to put up six runs. Which they did, making it a 9-8 game.

Unlike other years and other games, we shrugged and went right back to scoring runs, getting three in the fourth and then an ocho in the fifth to make it more comfortable. Art, meanwhile, exhausted from running around the bases, scored just two more in its final four at-bats and brought just 16 to the plate in that span.

The game ended in total darkness as a twister rolled in from Kansas and I was quite certain that all of us were about to pay some kind of divine retribution for whatever Lynch has been doing lately.

In the scorebook, four hits for George Miller, Chris Yasiejko and Ira Hayes (including a home run over Bucco and a double), three hits for Russ Krause, Steve Lynch, Dan McElhatton and The Management. We used 13 players total and everyone got at least one hit, 32 hits in all.

A very nice win, and now the grand plan of the Catahoula Refugees is revealed. The new divisional alignment appears more lop-sided than ever. Whatever happened to Art in America? I don’t know. Some guy bought a house.

Hoagiefest!(TM) is Tuesday!

Next week we have games Monday (big one vs. Bishop’s Collar) and Tuesday (vs. Franklin Institute, followed by Hoagiefest!™). For the uninitiated, Hoagiefest!™ is an annual league-sponsored party organized by Social Chair Phyllis Demo. We supply beer and the league supplies fabulous hoagies from Sarcone’s and we all meet at one field and it’s a lot of fun until the gunfire breaks out. Don’t tell Ron. He ate all the hoagies last year.

YO HA HA I'M ROUNDING THIRD

With a nice grind-it-out 13-2 win over the Please Touch Museum on Tuesday night, the Pen & Pencil Club is off to its best start in the Center City Softball League in five years.

 We stand 4-1 after five games, tied with ancient rival Bishop’s Collar in whatever the real name of the division might be.

For this great start, we can thank teamwork, we can thank skill, and we can thank the schedule maker, who allowed us to slip into the bathtub slowly – after that first cold plunge against the Tap Room – and now we are acclimated and ready to scrub some grime from our tarnished legacy. (I really hope this writing doesn’t carry over to the day job.)

First things first. Against the Memorial Ballers of the Touch Museum, we fielded the minimum number of men and very nearly the maximum number of the fairer gender. This made the bench smell a lot better, but it also meant we need some real efficiency from the offense and in the field.

After a kind of slow start – sort of like that lawnmower that you have to give a few tugs – we proceeded to mow down the opposition. (I’m not kidding. If I turn this shit in at the paper, they will fire my ass so fast I’ll be out the door before we’re sold again.)

We scored twice in the top of the first, then went to sleep for a while and it was a 2-2 game entering the fourth inning. With us, you never know, so it was a little nerve-wracking to be tied in the middle of the game against a team that has not won a league game since Week 12 of the 2010 season. (I know. It’s very sad that I know that.)

There is a suspended game this season pending in which Touch holds a lead over Franklin Institute, but no official wins in the book and 18 losses since the last victory.

And that last victory, you ask? Of course, it was 20-4 over the Pen & Pencil Club. So, you might want to mess with karma, but I’d prefer to score some runs. (I do not mention the Touchies poor record to embarrass them. Just wanted to make the point. As for why I have this stuff at my fingertips, it’s a real problem, nothing less.)

Anyway, we scored three in the fourth, took another nap, and drifted into the sixth inning holding a 5-2 lead. At that point, we put up some runs and made it look like a different game, scoring four times in each of our last two at-bats.
The truth is that it was a good game and the Please Do Me’s fielded the ball very well and just had trouble stringing together hits. Our scorebook, as fielded by Ed Cascarella, is very interesting. I think we had 22 hits, which is good, and I’m almost positive Russ Krause and Steve Lynch had four of them each, including a homer for Stick. It looks like Mike Galan had three hits, as did Dan Rubin, and two hits for B.J. Clark and Keith Craig. I apologize for any oversights. Kathy Matheson had a solid single into center field, advanced on a pair of hits and scored on a sacrifice fly by George Miller.

The real highlight was our fielding. The outfield was perfect, with a bomb over Yaz’s head the lone exception and that one was a function of the pitcher-catcher interface. Galan/Clark, Craig, Julie Dugan and Rubin were solid around the horn. (I’ve always wondered about that term. Could it come from the sailing term for going around Cape Horn or Cape Cod or whatever it is? If anyone knows, tell me.)

Now things get interesting and the schedule gets tougher, starting with a big game against the Art Museum next Tuesday and then we get Bishop’s Collar the following week, and then the Tap Room again and then the Catahoula Refunds. The Franklin is thrown in there some place as well, but we could easily find ourselves at .500 after 10 games if we don’t A) Show Up (and I mean that literally), and B) Play Well. (It’s always that second part that has hung us up in the past.) We’ll hope for better this time.

COLLAR GAME RESCHEDULED

The P&P game versus Bishop's Collar originally scheduled for Monday, May 14 has been postponed and rescheduled for Monday, June 4 at Edgeley 8.

We were going to have trouble fielding a full team on Monday and we were going to have the usual woes of finding a field if we moved the game to Tuesday, so, with the help of long-awaited league field permit #6, we have been cleared to grab Edgeley 8 on June 4. That will give us two games that week, Monday and Tuesday.

Take advantage of our off week to get your running in. Next game is Tuesday, May 22 vs. Please Touch Museum.

As you were.

RUBINESQUE

Once again, Dan McElhatton has graciously agreed, in his role as Management’s Lackey, to file a report on the result of the Pen & Pencil Club’s 19-3 victory over the Zoo on Tuesday night.
The Management itself would only be able to file a report on the abysmal state of the room service operation at the Chicago O’Hare Marriott and the hotel’s provincial attitude concerning the hours of operation for its lobby lounge.
* * * *

On May 8th, 2012, we witnessed one of the bleaker Philadelphia sport nights in modern times. Fortunately there was a glimmer of hope coming from the field on Belmont Pleateau – the hope demonstrated in a 19-3 win by the P&P that was an overall team effort.
The keys to the win? One might say, Game 5 in Chicago. But I disagree with Nevins, Gabor and Donlen. More likely the key was a seven-run first inning that was that was capped by a Dan Rubin grand slam.
Other keys? Yaz was possessed by Cliff Lee, pitching a 70-minute gem, and largely mistake-free ball by his mates, and a real effort by all to hit ground balls and keep people on the bases.
The Zoo team is a decent bunch and a team we should beat if we play well, but the way we played should give us confidence as we go up against the likes of the Tap and whatever Ryan’s ex-Franklin team is called.
So, it is also obvious Rubin should give up the column and just stay “on assignment.” In addition to smacking the ball, he was stellar at first base, particularly picking a short hop rocket from NGKC (New Guy Keith Craig) at short and going low to take another one off his shoetop.
The Ballen/Gabor platoon excelled – Ballen with a nifty line drive catch and Gabor assisted by bringing a creature that distracted the Zoo into thinking one of them forgot to lock up the buffaloes.

NGKC is way too nice (not to mention, good) to be on this team. McElhatton/Galan platoon rocked it. Well sort of. Galan might just consider playing third, not coaching it. The outfield caught the ball.
Ed Cascarella had a nice pinch hit single and scored a run.
And then there is Ellen Kenney – a nice shot to short, busted it to first and decide to stretch it into a double. (Got that out of the system have we, Ellen?)
A solid win. Manager Nevins inspired.
Next week either Monday or Tuesday likely at one of the Edgeley fields against a team I am too tired to look up. Hopefully we get to face Kyle Kendrick.
Management’s Lackey
* * * *
Well done, ML. I am told there were four home runs in all. Was also told that Nevins and Lynch had two of them, along with Rubin’s salami. No one seems to remember who hit the other. Miller? Craig? No idea.
I apologize. If I ever see the scorebook again, I’ll let you know.
[Editor's Note: Late word insists the missing tater was fried by Chris Yasiejko. Way to go, Yaz.]
We play Monday in one of our two GOTY (Games of the Year) against Bishop's Collar or, more simply, the Fabulous Phyllises.
If you have paid attention to the new CCSL divisional alignment and playoff rules – and there will be a pop quiz soon – then you know that the top three teams in each division make the playoffs, with the 2nd and 3rd seeds in our division having a one-game playoff to see which one has to pitch to Tap Room Ogre in the Division Finals.

P&P vs. Collar: Let's not fall behind.



If you have also studied the league, and not to make anyone feel bad, it seems unlikely we will compete with the Tap Room for the top seed and equally unlikely we will finish behind either Fleisher or Old City.

That means we will play the Collar in that one-game playoff. And that means we are playing the entire season just to see which of us is visitor and which of us is home in that game.

So, there you have it. That’s why Monday at Edgeley 4 is one of our two GOTY.

Let’s go out and win the right to bat last on July 23.

LADIES' DAY

And, really, isn’t every day?
Our Double-X Chromosome representatives on Thursday night, Ellen Kenney and Liz Gabor, combined for three hits in our 23-11 makeup win over the National Constitution Center/Old City Rising Suns, the team with the longest name and the shortest history in the Center City Softball League.
In addition to their work at the dish, both were vital in holding together what was, to be charitable, a bit of a spotty defensive effort. Kenney made the all-important 2-unassisted putout for staying with a fouled-off pop in the cage with two on and just one out in the third inning.
As for Gabor, she gloved almost everything near second base, with the exception of the one she dropped when Marcus wasn’t looking and then he didn’t know how many outs there were and called time loudly to tell the person on second base he was out – untrue – and later declared there were three outs and proceeded to leave the field when, in fact, there were two. So, for that alone, quite a night for Lizzy. (She did also win the Jiffy Lube High Maintenance Award for texting at 6 p.m. that she was walking near the Art Museum and needed a ride to the field.)

In any event, the P&P, with help from the ladies, did climb above .500 on the season, although not without our requisite drama. Some of us could do without the drama, but nevertheless.
The NCC team had scored a total of seven runs in its opening two losses over a period of 14 at-bats. Somehow, we managed to trail them 8-2 entering the bottom of the third inning. I say “somehow,” but the book is pretty clear. We fielded poorly and threw the ball around, and decided that hitting pop-ups would be our oeuvre for the evening.
Having held them to 8-2 in that third inning – with major help from the Kenney 2-unassisted – we got it going a little, scoring 7, 6, 6 in the next three innings. It was a nice run for us and we brought 35 to the plate in those three innings, batting around twice.
For the game, we have four hits from Mark Nevins, Russ Krause and Marcus Hayes, three hits from Kerry O’Connor, Chris Yasiejko, Steve Lynch (3-run HR) and B.J. Clark, and two hits for Dan McElhatton, Chris Brennan and Gabor.
We were 31-for-51 and held the Constitution Center to an equal number of hits and outs (21), which is fine.

They are a very formidable expansion team. Their 2-3-4 hitters were 11-for-12, and the out was a line drive to short. So, a couple more players and it’s a different team. We take it and move to the next challenge, which is the Zoo team that is always a competitive game for us. Onward.