Got 'Em Right Where We Want 'Em

 Oh, yes. Our plan to get Bishop’s Collar over-confident leading up to next Monday’s opening-round playoff game worked perfectly on the verdant asphalt of Edgeley 8 on Tuesday. I don’t think they even suspect a thing.

Some might view our pre-game as lax, but just part of the grand design.



Having correctly determined that we want to be the visiting team in that all-important postseason tilt – I mean, look at how it worked for them! – we had ourselves a nice little scrimmage, took a narrow 24-4 loss, and now we are nestled comfortably in the bat-first role for Monday. Couldn’t have gone much better, really.

Some might say we went a little too far by not scoring a single run in the final six innings of the game, but that would be nitpicking from this point of view. We made our statement in the first inning that we could so score if we wanted to, and there was no need to pour it on after that.

"Nothing against Bob, but this crap just didn't happen when I was
managing the team. Makes you think, doesn't it."

Unless, of course, the truth is that we stunk it up and if we don’t play a lot better next week, our postseason appearance will be brief and painful. You decide which.

Anyway, let’s have some details. The Management failed to distinguish between the end of batting practice and the start of the game in the first inning and served up 10 runs on 11 hits before the Collar got tired of circling the bases.

The Prelate’s Neckbands hit well all night, particularly Mike Abt, who I think was 6-for-6, scored five runs, had two home runs and knocked in seven or eight. We’ll have to make sure he gets the same pitches next week, because you’d hate to mess with a guy on a roll.

It is never a good sign when one’s opponents have more hits than you have at-bats, but that was the case for the Red Inks in this one. BC was 37-for-58 and we were 15-for-36. Not good. All four of our runs and four of those hits were bunched in the first inning, so we had zero runs and 11 hits in the last six innings.

Those with long memories – or those who stuff socks in their memories to make it look that way – will recall that we led Fleisher Art Macrame 14-3 after four innings the week before, and sneaked away with a 15-14 win. That means in our last 10 innings, we have been outscored 35-to-5 and outhit 49-to-19. Well, that sucks, and it would be a wake-up call for us except we seem to keep mixing up the AM and PM part, which is really what always gets you.

Scariest book since Cujo.

Oh, one more stat to get you to bear down for next week: The Collar never scores this many runs. I mean, shit. In the Collar’s six previous games against CCSL playoff teams this season, they averaged 9 runs, with a previous high of 12 against the Fart Museum. They doubled that against us. The last time BC scored 20 or more runs against a playoff team was Week 10 of the 2009 season, 25-13 over the Farties, and you could look it up if any of you were demented enough to keep track of this stuff like I am. That’s three fucking years ago.

OK, calm again. Serenity now. Serenity now. Let’s see. Highlights? Lynch had three hits and, which is good for a guy with a busted kneecap. Brennan thinks he had three hits, too, although one was a fielder’s choice, but since it was a clean single into the outfield, he’s getting credit for it. George Miller had two hits and a swinging bunt that went approximately three inches in front of the plate. Nevins had two hits, as did Kerry O’Connor. Brian Donlen had one hit and was robbed of a home run on a great running catch by Adam on the last play of the game. And, man, we were coming back then.

Anyway, that one’s over and the next one is the one that counts. With all those hits and runs we’ve been hoarding, I don’t see what can go wrong.

What's that called when someone stands on one of those pillows? Ah, yes, a baserunner. Cool.