Opening Day

Well, we all survived the winter and those of us who work in the little white building on North Broad St. survived the unpleasant prospect of making the business better by being forced out of it.
With that aside, it's time for some softball and the season begins on Monday evening at 6 p.m. sharp against the defending champions of the Center City Softball League, our old friends, the South Philly Tap Room & Douchenozzles.
Nothing against Commissioner Ed and his fizz-whizzy scheduling machine, but just maybe it is a sign from God that we're going to find out about this season pretty quick. So, let's shock the world, or at least those knuckledraggers from the Tap Room.
As you can see from the standings on the right rail, the Center City Softball League has expanded this season, with Franklin doing the amoeba thing and splitting into two teams -- The Assholes Who Can Play and The Nice Guys Who Can't. Since Franklin does what it wants, that meant we had to add another team so we had an even number. (I do have to interject that general manager Chris Brennan voted to approve this plan at the annual league meeting and derm abrasion, even though I left specific instructions that we do no such thing unless we had another field permit in hand. The GM says he had every intention of following our plan, but was distracted because he was sitting next to Phyllis.)
Anyway, the National Constitution Center has rejoined the league, just two or three years after dropping out for the very good reason that their team never showed up for a game. The NCC is back and insists on being called the Olde City Rising Suns, which, of course, we will absolutely not do.
So, we play two games each against our division opponents and one each against non-division opponents for a total of 13 regular season games. This will take a while, particularly if there is any rain because WE DIDN'T GET THE OTHER FUCKING PERMIT. I sort of remember the postseason plan. It involves six of the eight teams, with the second and third place teams in each division playing while the top seeds get a bye and then on and on. Brennan approved this, too, and I can't jump him for every decision, particularly since it was Low Cut Blouse Day at the Philadelphia Business Journal, which they apparently have quite frequently.
This, believe it or not, is the sixth season at the helm for The Management. Time flies when you finish fifth. I have posted at right the photo that accompanied the press release when I first became skipper. Abe Lincoln's got nothing on me. You think the Civil War could age a guy? Try this job.
We welcome two new players, Liz Gabor and Keith Craig, to our roster. Both showed up (on time, a first for Gabor) for Friday's practice which was an overwhelming success because there was no beer left at the end and we could just dump out the ice and carry the cooler to the car with one hand.
Let's have another great season. If you haven't gotten your running in by now, it's too late.